So.. hi? I didn't really have any plan to write anything tonight (or morning i guess?) since it has been a while since I write and I also deleted all my posts few months back (plus i have plenty uncompleted drafts) but I suddenly want to share something after i made some muhasabah (reflection) just now about how I survived when I even had a glimpse of thought to give up.
Few weeks back, things were really really hard on me that I don't know what to do, who to rely on. The situation itself didn't allowed me to share it with everyone. I even experienced the worst feeling ever which was I felt so distant from Him, our Creature. I easily cried even me myself realized it was such a simple and small matter, didn't worth my tears to be honest. I became overly sensitive. As I went through my slump, I knew things wouldn't get better if I just stay idle by my own. I started to tell myself that I NEED A CHANGE; and of course I should start with improving my amalan; such as bangun qiam semua tu. I remember one day, I suddenly woke up at 4.30 a.m (padahal stay up study kot malam tu) and I didn't feel sleepy at all. Then I knew so I told myself 'Allah kejut qiam tu, so pergi amik wuduk ok.' On my first rakaat of taubat, suddenly my lips trembled and tears began to fall. You know, the mix feeling when you remembered your past bad deeds, your parents, your family, how thing suddenly goes wrong (plus the feeling of missing your family, well call me anak mak, im proud to be one hehe) and you couldn't do anything about it. So, the only thing you can do is to beg for His mercy to help you. In my sujood, I cried and told Him that it was way too hard for me, I couldnt bear it. You know, just tell Him how much you suffer, how you reallllllly want Him to help you. Share with Allah how you only have Him in your life, that you could rely on.
As time passes, Allah showed me HOW POWERFUL OUR DUAs ARE. It wasn't just a myth or fairytale. Allah said it in the quran, remember?
"And your Lord says, "Call upon Me; I will respond to you." Indeed, those who disdain My worship will enter Hell [rendered] contemptible." [Quran, 40:60]
Allah promised us that HE WILL respond to our duas, our cries. Strangely, I managed to solve all my problems, one by one and Alhamdulillah, I know that I could never done this if Allah didn't give His permission. All those so-called-hard-things turn into such a simple thing to handle in just a blink of eye. And just now, one of my biggest fear and worry just fade away. With just a sentence that came out from my friend's mouth.
Well, I came to realized that having all those ujian in our life is not bad after all. That's how you will come to fitrah again, that's how you will know your mistakes and will eventually learn from it. Betullah, ujian tu tanda Allah sayang, kan? Allah boleh je nak biar kita tenggelam dengan dosa dosa kita but instead, He give us ujian(s) to let us know, that He always there for us to rely and return to. There are a lot of hikmah why all those things happened to us, it's just us who need to find what is it.
So, head up and smile, everyone! Believe in Allah's words.
“So verily, With every difficulty, there is relief. Verily, With every difficulty, there is relief” [Quran, 94:5-6]
NY.
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14122017.
